How Healing Your Inner Teen Can Improve Your Ability to Feel Everyday Magic
It’s time to let go of that angst and replace it with self-love and acceptance.
Raise your hand if you feel personally victimized by your teenage self. If you’ve found yourself having trouble reconciling the emotional turmoil you experienced during the time period when your hormones seemed to be running your life, you’re certainly not alone.
Lots of people struggle to reflect on their angsty teen years with fondness. That’s one of the main reasons why inner teenage/teen healing—much like inner child healing (aka re-parenting)—is starting to gain traction in the personal development space.
I recently stumbled on an article about inner teen healing, and it prompted me to consider how this type of self-work might impact a person’s ability to connect with their intuition and more profoundly experience everyday magic. I decided to find out.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I go into the details of my inner teen healing practice, l want to share a little bit about what brought me to this personal development work in the first place. Many months ago, I had an energy healing session with a friend and mentor of mine. In it, I discovered that there were parts of my childhood that still haunted my subconscious. The session forced me to examine my feelings of loneliness, awkwardness and discomfort around “fitting in.”
I think about that session often because it made me realize that even if I’m not actively thinking about my childhood, it is impacting me on some level. I have so much compassion for my younger self. Seeing myself from that perspective for the first time opened me up in a way I hadn’t anticipated. I have a new understanding of how these childhood wounds encourage me to limit my self-expression today.
When the Well + Good article appeared in my news app feed, I knew it was important to dive in. This also happened to coincide with my mom sending me pictures from my youth (some of which are showcased in the feature image for this post). I asked for these photos to help remind me of my teenage self for a book I’m writing in which the main character is a teen girl based on me.
I usually avoid looking at photos from this period at all costs, but I forced myself not to shy away this time. Confronted with these photos, I realized that so many of my fears during that time period (that I was ugly, didn’t fit in, wasn’t popular) weren’t founded. It inspired me to reach out to my fourteen-year-old self. I wanted to let her know that the things she feared weren’t true and they wouldn’t hold her back. I detailed these thoughts in a letter of self-love and acceptance that I’ve shared below.
This is one of the healing techniques that the article suggests, and if this assignment calls to you, I recommend giving it a shot. The impact for me has been subtle but essential. I’ve found that when I work to remove insecurities and hurt from my past, I’m better able to connect with my intuition. I trust my energetic experiences. I believe in my everyday magic. The things that made me feel less than become a superpower.
Because I can identify the ways I may have limited or shirked my psychic powers, I’m able to tap back in and reactivate them. When I spend less time trying to repress the past and avoid feeling humiliation and shame about how certain things went down, I open myself up to use my energy in a more productive way. That can look like anything from manifesting my ideal life to opening myself up to new spiritual experiences.
Perhaps you will find that something similar happens when you participate in inner teen healing. You won’t know until you try. In the meantime, you can see how I tackled the assignment below. Best of luck on your healing journey!
Dear Eighth-Grade Karli,
I know you hate pleasantries and small talk, so I will get right to the point: I’m future you, and there are some things you need to know. I can already tell you’re skeptical about the veracity of this note. That’s good. I would be, too. But the truth is that I am you, 20 years later. Keep reading. You’re going to want to hear what I have to say.
Right now, you’re 14 years old and spend a lot of time thinking about how unattractive you are and if you just looked like one of the more popular girls, life would be much better. I’m here to tell you that you’re beautiful. You don’t need all the makeup, and frankly, you’re not that good at applying it. You’ll realize this later. You, my lucky friend, get more attractive as you age. You’ll eventually come to see the many ways you’ve grown into yourself, that all this time was one of becoming. Don’t worry about the braces either. They were worth the time investment. After you get them off, people will never stop praising your gorgeous smile. Take the compliment.
In a few years, you’re going to start worrying about college and where you’re going to go—and how the hell you’re going to get as far away from Mentor, Ohio, as possible. There’s good news on that front. You get into one of the best journalism schools in the country, and it happens to be in upstate New York. You won’t really fit in there either, but you’ll make good friends and have a lot of fun. Most of this time will feel like a dream a few years later. You won’t sleep a lot. It will be worth it.
Speaking of college, that’s when you’re going to lose your virginity. You’ll be 19, and it won’t be great sex (sorry, girl). You will, however, get the hang of it. After the so-called specialness of the first is finally over, you will go on a bit of a tear for a while. Most of these men will not be worth your time. You won’t remember a lot of the details when you’re my age, but you will have learned something important about yourself: You wield your sexuality as a weapon. You still do sometimes.
For a long time, you will fuck instead of having to feel. But you are a powerful creator. You will create from this place, and it will force you to make a decision about the course of the rest of your life. You will choose yourself. I think you lose a little bit of your magic in the process, but it won’t feel that way, and it won’t be lost forever. You aren’t sorry for making the decision you did. You had to sacrifice something significant to live the life you do today. Don’t worry. You make the most of the life you chose.
For example, you will start your career as a journalist and writer in NYC. I know you never really wanted to live there (and you still won’t), but it will open your eyes to people, situations and ways of being in the world that you could never have understood on your own. College gave you perspective. This experience will give you more. Take it with you. The lessons you learn will reveal themselves in an even greater magnitude many years later.
A few years after that you’ll be living in Cincinnati. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Cincinnati sucks. Despite finding the puppy love of your life (his name is Frodo; don’t worry, he comes with the name. You never actually watch the LOTR movies), a lot of bad shit will happen to you here. You will repress it all for years. You learn that you are a survivor of many things, that you are scrappy when you have to be. You will always be OK, even when it feels like you’re not going to make it. During this time, you will meet a complete narcissist, who will help you get to the west coast. He will try to chip away at every bit of the beautiful confidence you’ve always had because he is a sad and insecure person. He will succeed for a while.
No one in your family will like him, and you will date him for way too long. Eventually, though, you will come to your senses and dump him (remember when dad made you dump Pat? He can’t make you do anything anymore). I promise this narcissist serves a greater purpose in the course of your life. After you go no-contact with him, you (thankfully) never see him again. And know this: He studied to be a lawyer and ends up working in HR, which is probably the best revenge I can think of for someone who is such a massive piece of shit. On another bright side, Portland, Oregon, is awesome. You finally find your people there. You also find your way.
Case in point: On a very average Friday in October 2015, you will meet the great love of your life. His name is Randy Newman. He is the hottest man you’ve ever seen in real life, and you will have a massive crush on him forever. But you won’t think that right away. You will show up like a goddamn trainwreck for your first date, judge his unfortunate soul patch and assume that you’ll never see him again. He will text you the next day. It will take many dates to kiss and many more to get him into bed, but you will fall so deeply in love with him that it will change your entire life.
Trust me when I say he was worth the wait. Randy will love you as you are and know you better than anyone else in the world. He is the master of withholding funny, interesting stories to keep you from getting bored or losing interest. Randy is surprising. He’s not at all like what you’d think at first glance. Importantly, he executes your wildest ideas (because Lord knows you won’t) and never tries to change you. He thinks you’re smart, never underestimates you and understands the value you bring as his partner. He knows his life is better with you in it. You will love him in a way you didn’t know you could.
After you meet Randy, things really start to fall into place. You discover yoga and an amazing community of yogis, meet fantastic friends who you can actually talk to and share with, and live the spontaneous life you’ve always dreamed about. You learn so much about yourself and what you’re capable of during this time. You have wonderful mentors who help guide you through these transformative experiences. You get into pole dance, and despite being klutzy as hell, you’re actually pretty graceful on the pole. Who knew?
Your life is really good, Karli. I promise it is. You’ve always been very lucky, and your life today is proof of this magic. You’ll visit many countries, take a multi-day motorcycle trip, run a half marathon, move to Thailand, get some tattoos, pierce your nose, travel across the US and back many times, and end up buying a lovely home in Austin, Texas. You’ll make a good living as a writer and tarot reader, and you’ll change your mind about children. Most importantly, all those things you worry about now won’t matter. They are mere blips on the radar. With some distance, you will see that everything works itself out. You, Eighth-Grade Karli, are going to be just fine.
Love,
Your Future Self